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Registered: 07-2003
Location: California
Posts: 24
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Severus Snape and the Bird: by Mykerinos Part 1


Title: Severus Snape and the Bird
Author: Mykerinos
E-mail: obsessedwithseverus@hotmail.com
Genre: Humor
Rating: G
Summary: When Severus Snape one day goes out to collect ingredients, he finds something totally else...
Comments: A silly little humor fic :P I hope you enjoy!





Severus Snape felt satisfied when the Gryffindors and Slytherins left his dungeons. This lesson he had taken another 13 points from Gryffindor, and 10 given to his own house. During the lesson he also thought up a new potion, and now he went outside to collect some ingredients. He set off towards the lake, but suddenly his eye caught something odd. It was a print in the ground, and it had the shape of a.... Severus thought deeply, but couldn't put his finger on it. He walked a little bit closer and stared at it.

Suddenly, something fluffy landed on his head, and immediately Severus knew what the print was from; a bird. Severus shook his head, and a small little bird fell on the ground. It was a yellow with big, cute, blue eyes. Severus automatically loathed it.


"Yuk!" he exclaimed while rubbing his hair. "A lice infected creature touched me!"

He gave the bird a glare of utter loathing and pointed at it. "You devilish creature! Now I will have to disinfect it!"

The bird just stared at him. The fickle creature turned his head a little to one side than the other, not understanding. Severus started to turn around but the bird started to squeak hysterically. Disturbed, Severus looked back to the bird. It abruptly stopped making noise. The small animal raised his head, and stared at Severus.

"What do you want from me?!" Severus yelled at the animal. It looked up to the tree.

�Oh, you want back into the tree again, huh?� he grinned, and with a simple wave of his wand he threw the bird up, into the tree where Severus couldn�t see him. Severus began to walk back to the castle again but he heard the same shrill calling of the bird. Extremely irritated he turned back and saw the bird lying on the ground.

�What is wrong with you?!� Severus yelled, losing his patience. �Can�t you just fly?!�

The bird gave a sad, little noise.

�Ah, so you can�t fly?� Severus smirked sarcastically. �Well then, LEARN IT!�

For the third time, he turned to begin his walk back to the castle and for third time he had to look back because of the clamorous bird. It looked up again, to the tree.

�Just one more time�� Severus murmured as he lifted the bird into the tree. He stood there a few seconds just to make sure the bird wasn�t going to jump again, and then carefully, still looking to the tree, took a step backward. When nothing happened, he took another step, and another. When he had taken 10 steps, he quickly turned around and wanted to run back to the castle. But the squeaking stopped him.

Severus groaned. Sulky, he walked to the tree and saw the bird lying on the ground. An idea popped into the Potions master�s head. �Alright damned bird, I�ll make you fly� with magic. Your wings are just too small and weak for your giant head.�

He waved his wand, and the wings of the bird were replaced by giant ones. The bird immediately started to move but quickly fell to the ground.

�Maybe this was a little bit too big�� Severus said, rubbing his head. He grabbed his wand again, and now the wings seemed to have a good size. Severus sighed, as the bird raised itself into the air.

He turned around to head for the castle. But as soon as he did so; the noise started again. Angrily, still having his wand in his hand, Severus turned back to the small creature. His fury at the bird dripped off his face. In his fury, he put the tree on fire. The bird saw it, and started to cry.

�Oh, shut up you stupid bird! I�m getting tired of you! It�s just a tree!�

The bird flew up to a branch that rested high in the tree. The yellow animal flew in frantic circles around. Severus strained to hear the sound of several birds screeching.

 �Oh... And now you want me to save them, don�t you?�

Severus sighed. �Why on earth does she make me do this?? She knows I have a phobia about water... Never brush my teeth, never wash my hair...� he said while he tried to put out the fire. When the fire was extinguished, Severus walked to the tree and got the soaking nest out of it. The bird happily flew around Severus, not stopping his squeaking.

�Get lost!� he ordered. But the bird didn�t. While Severus desperately walked back the castle, the bird followed him. It kept circling around his head. Students stared at their Professor in horror but didn�t dare laugh. The Potions Master gave each of the pupils a grimacing glare.

�TWENTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!� Severus yelled at Collins, who tried to take a photograph of his teacher.

Severus was just beginning to think things could have been worse, when the fluffy ball of feathers bounced to his hair. Severus started to scream hysterically. He yelled every curse he could at that damned bird.

Several students poked their heads out of nearby classroom doors, wondering who was screaming that loud. Severus screamed for at least a minute before he realized he was screaming and drawing a considerable amount of attention to himself. For a moment he thought that his screaming scared off the bird. Abruptly, he shut up when the bird flew over his head again. He furiously grabbed his wand and went after the bird, determined to take revenge.

�I�LL GET YOU FOR TOUCHING MY HAIR, YOU � FOUL BEAST!� he shouted, and ran as fast as he could, shooting laser beams to the poor bird. It was frightened to death. Severus chased the bird to the Great Hall and shot a spell to make its wings tiny again. Unfortunately, the bird dodged the spell. Minerva McGonagall was just enjoying her lunch when she was hit by the nasty spell. Her arms shrank to the size of pencils, and she looked up to see who did it, ready to deduct at least a hundred points.

�YOU!� she yelled, trying to point at Severus, but failed, because her arms were too short.

�I�m sorry,� Severus said, doing a very hard job not to burst out in a laugh. McGonagall tried to grab her wand but was unable to because it was lying on the table. Severus noticed it and knew McGonagall would soon lose her patience.

�I�m very sorry, but I have to find a bird now, before it ruins the school!� he chuckled, and quickly ran into the kitchen where he head seen the bird fly towards. McGonagall started to yell and swear but Severus was already gone.

As soon as Snape entered the kitchen house-elves plagued him immediately. They kept offering him food and sweets, which he abruptly pushed away.

�Nothing, I can do this on my own.� Severus said while pushing a sad-looking elf out of his way. Severus looked around and saw the bird sitting on some dishes. The bird stared at Severus and Severus stared back. Severus� anger grew and mounted until he drew his wand. He quickly shouted a spell at the bird. But the bird predicted the man�s actions. He flew up into the darker areas of the ceiling.

The spell hit the dishes and they noisily burst. Severus swore and went after the bird. The bird attempted to fly out the door but it bumped into Filch.

�Filch, get that bird!� Severus yelled, and Filch grabbed the bird with one hand, determined not to let go. Severus evilly grinned and raised his wand, ready to blast the wings off the bird�s body.

Maybe he just felt something terrible was going to happen--or Filch just squeezed him a little bit too hard--but the bird�s eyes grew even bigger. The pathetic creature used all its power to bite Filch. The caretaker let out a groan of pain and let the bird go.

At the same moment Severus shouted the spell and Filch was blown away. His body was thrust to the wall. Severus stamped on the ground and continued chasing the bird. For some reason Severus thought the way the bird was very familiar with the layout of the school. It flew towards the dungeons.

Severus ran harder and by the time they had arrived at the dungeons he could almost touch the bird. He took a good breath and then jumped towards the fluffy ball with his arms stretched outward. Everything would have gone perfect if there hadn�t been a table in the room that had several potions sitting on it. Severus leaped and caught the bird and smiled broadly. He realized he was still hanging in the air and heading straight for the table with potions sitting on it. He tried to stop but before he could place his feet on the ground, he bounced into the potions. The tumult wasn�t as loud as Severus� yelling but it certainly was very loud.

Severus groaned as he tried to stand up. His face was covered with blisters and wounds. There was hardly anything material left to his robes. Embarrassed, he looked around, hoping no one was hanging around. He jumped up when he heard a dreamy voice from behind.

Last edited by AlanRickmanRocks, 7/17/2003, 10:01 am


---
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

~Krista
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